Buckets of Water

I want to focus on the positive. I want to surround myself with people who do the same. Recently, I don’t know if I have been doing that… and I know this pattern. It is almost as if I am suffering from a great deal of deja vu. I find my path being lit by the bridges I burn. In high school I had a solid reason to end the friendships that I did. I was not friends with people who were pushing me to be a better person. Is that the case again? Are the people I sit and talk with the right people in my life?

I have always found it easier to have no friends than to suffer through a friendship that is lacking a solid bond. I use to take the blame. I told myself that I was too concerned about my personal feelings over those of others. In recent years I have learn that’s not the case — I am not a selfish person. I do, however, try to please people beyond my capabilities, and it changes my personality. This weekend I found myself in an environment that started to alter who I am. A negative virus began to spread like a plague, and I had a moment of falling ill. The negative virus seeped into the environment around me. That place provokes hate. Jared could feel my personality struggling between being a good person or being a fake friend. He reminded me to be true to myself. So I left the situation for the rest of the weekend.

I am not the person who will ever talk down on sorority life, but a constant desire to be on the top is what sparks the fire that wipes out sisterhood. I don’t want to compete with sisters or have sisters feel like they need to compete with me. I don’t have to be the first in line or the one with the best idea, unfortunately, I feel like the people who I have been surrounding myself with are in that constant state. I will admit that I was one to fall short of holding my sister accountable for their actions. I did not speak up when I should have, but reasoning with anger is a difficult task. I know the fire that burned in St. Louis is not an accurate representation of the people I have pledged my life to, and I know they have or will reflect on the weekend and see how silly it is to fight. I don’t want to repeat the pattern of burning bridges and losing friends, because I want to believe that we, as a whole, are better than that. We don’t need to be the best, if we surround ourselves with people who hold buckets of water and don’t let that friendship fade.

About Alyssa 31 Articles
My name is Alyssa. This is my website. I like margaritas, potato chips and Jared… in no particular order. I'm a dog mom, professional tennis ball thrower and treat giver.

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